I've tried to be strong

I've tried to live alone

I've tried not to bother others

yet

i"m not strong enuf

i'm really that bothersome

n my tears are really that uncontrollable sometimes

i wished i had some1

i wished im not alone

i wish..

~have u ever felt heart so broken that its painful to even breathe?~

sick AGAIN

&

as always

HATE to be ALL ALONE

Owhh-emmm-Geee

i FEEL poor

i mean

I AM POOR

~gosh...hate this feeling~

I HAVE ONLY ONE WISH THIS YEAR

the one n only

it's d time of the year

when i missed u deeply

it's d time of the year

when i felt u around me

it's d time of the year

when i wished u were here next to me

it's d time of the year

when i wonder what are u doing

when i hoped the best is with u

when i wana whisper "i love you" next to u

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea

I'll sail the world to find you

If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see

I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of

What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three

I'll be there and I know when I need it

I can count on you like four, three, two

And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends

Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep

I'll sing a song beside you

And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me

Everyday I will remind you

Find out what we're made of

What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like one, two, three

I'll be there and I know when I need it

I can count on you like four, three, two

And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends

Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry

I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You can count on me like one, two, three

I'll be there and I know when I need it

I can count on you like four, three, two

And you'll be there 'cause that's what friends

Are supposed to do, oh yeah, ooh, ooh

You can count on me 'cause I can count on you

some people said honesty is the best policy

but

i say

acting is sometimes the best

*read this somewhere*

....病了，一个人扛......

...烦了，一个人藏..

...痛了，一个人挡...

...街上，一个人逛...

...路上，一个人想...

...晚上，一个人的床…

...慢慢地习惯了一个人的生活...

...变得沉默...

...变得冷落...

...没了想理...

...不想说...

...不想看...

...我不是高傲...

...也不是胡闹...

~只是厌倦了那些随时可能失去的依靠~

Do u ever feel so scared n insecure that u felt like screaming out loud..

Sometimes

Sometimes, things don't go my way..

Hence, I'm afraid to move unless I need to...

Sometimes, things go wrong when they are supposed to go right..

Hence, I remained in the center, reluctant to take any wrong-turns..

Sometimes, i'm so afraid to lose,

Hence, i chose to give up b4 i try my best..

Sometimes, i'm so afraid of good-byes,

Hence, I bid farewell b4 others do...

Sometimes, i'm so afraid of failure,

Hence, I failed myself even b4 starting the journey...

"Sometimes" does not really happen at times..

And yet, bcoz im so afraid of that "sometimes", i stayed the same place since then...

Somehow, Someway, Someday perhaps..

As much as i knew the importance of education,

I somehow wished that i would not need to study hard..

As much as I knew how everyone like pretty people,

I somehow wished inner beauty counts more than what we had outside...

As much as I need money,

I somehow wished money is a small matter...

As much as I knew I need to be dedicated & responsible,

I somehow wished there is moment that I could be rebellious...

As much as I knew we need to think for others,

I somehow wished somebody could think for me too...

As much I loved being independent...

I somehow wished I had a shoulder to lean on and someone to depend on...

~Because I'm feeling EXTREMELY tired~

+p.e.r.i.o.d+

it kinda spoilt my day..

by that i meant couple of days..

or mayb more than dat,,

damn...i felt horrible..

i suddenly felt like going somewhere terpencil and think about what i want in my life

and

maybe

i should

it's d end of posting..

n im ALL blank n blur..

seriously a very bad sign!

sometimes,my rationale is that im afraid of ppl in this particular dept dat im nt able to learn n absorb...but seriously,i shudnt blame others for my own fault...for my own laziness...for my own stupidity...

hopefully...i ll learn sometng...soon...

i thought that by filling my empty stomach, i would somehow fill my empty soul, mind n heart...

but i was wrong...now that it's filled...

it's more obvious that it is my heart n mind that is empty...

when im asleep,i woke up due to pressure building up as hours passed..

when im awake, my eyes n mind wanted to just shut down coz im reluctant to face this cruel world..

izit possible that there's 2 different "you" living in your body???

i feel so schizophrenic now~

izit okay to not feel okay??

izit okay to not be okay??

izit okay when u're supposed to be okay but u're not okay at all??

Today... one of my professors told us that if he was to be given a chance to choose again...he wouldn't be taking medicine again...cz most of us was not exposed to medicine n took this due to rumors and things we heard from outsiders... like he did...picking this field bcoz his peers did...

at that point, it reminds me of how i "HAPPEN" to get involved in this rat race...

BUT

the thing is...we cant jz make a U-turn in this matter..

=.='''

if only time can just be turned back to the point i made this decision...

"If Today Was Your Last Day"

"If Today Was Your Last Day"

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

該不該擱下重重的殼
尋找到底那裡有藍天
隨著輕輕的風輕輕的飄
你靜得像都不敢歇忑

我要一步一步往上爬
等待陽光靜靜看著它的臉
小小的天有大大的夢想
重重的殼掛著輕輕的仰望
我要一步一步往上爬
在最高點撐著夜往前飛
讓風吹乾流過的淚痕
總有一天我有屬於我的天

i need INTENSIVE CBT & SuPPortive therapy~

bff?

a fren told me..

if u r best fren with somebody n if she's important to u, u ll always remmber her...

i thought of some1...a fren i treat as my bff...

n apparently she doesnt tot of me as often as i tot of her...

so, i decided to stop thinking of her

~period~

All about love?

i was never a big fan of HK movies...

(well, i adores HK drama though..lol)

However, I watched a movie lately, that surprisingly, appeared interesting to me...

(hahaha....as someone told me just now..this movie mmg "ngam" me...)

well...back to the movie..

..it might not be the best production but i like the "moral of the story"-part of the movie..

1)never discriminate single mothers!

2)never discriminate homosexuals or rather bisexuals..

(well...to me, sexuality is like a preference thing..somebody likes this and the others might like different things...why do you have to force ppl to like what u like?)

3) it is ALWAYS better to prevent than to cure...

(i'm NVER againsst premarital sex BUT make sure you do enough precaution steps if u do not want to hit the jackpot..)

4) babies are not something u can just "take it out"... PLZ BE RESPONSIBLE~~~

(and it is not easy to sara a baby when u cant even support urself...to support his/her education etc need ALOTTA MONEY n dedication...so,if u happen to be studying/unprepared, plz think b4 u do something...)

5) commitment is a big thing and it matters...

(when u wants to have a relationship, plz be prepared to give him/her ur 100% commitment..plz don't hurt the person that u-loved-and-loves-u-back..it dont only hurts you but also give a very big impact to the person's life..)

ps:read the synopsis here...

OMG...finallly finished crapping after few days~hahaha...

next--> oopss...more to crap?!

Professional Liars...

i once believed that if u r not as rich as others,

or not as pretty as others...

its okay...

as long as we worked harder...

as long as we studied harder...

but

as time pass by...

as all sorta things happen...

i now believed that no matter how hard we worked..

no matter how hard we tried to pursue our dreams

it doesnt really matters

cz its a pure lie

its a lie that they dont see what colour are you

its a lie that if you worked harder than others,u'll most likely to change ur fate

its a lie that appearance doesnt matter

its a lie that money is not evrything

its just a fairy tale that we d poor,d minority..tried to believe in order to make the reality seems less cruel...aint it?

OMG!!

i really think im hopeless!

Friends?

What can i say?

When u grew older,u'll somehow realise that "a friend in need,is truly a friend indeed"

*the thing is...can u find urself one?*

I somehow think this is so true..hmm..at least..recently..

I realise that when u're happy,smilling,laughing & having fun,every1 wanna be frens with you..

But...once,ur down in the drain..well..no matter physically,mentally or evn spiritually...

They would leave you..one by one...finding their own new world..new friends..

WHoeVer toLd u thaT frIendS ARe fOrever,chances are...thEy are LYING...

somehow or rather

i felt like ppl around me is surrounded by alcohol and loud music lately

is this a proof that we had grow up?

is this a proof that med students can have fun too??

is this rebel after so long of caught-in-cage moments?

is this fun before caught in cage again??

i dont know..really...

..it had been awhile since i last see u...

...and i missed u deeply..

...i just wanna let u know that i wished the best be with you...

...i just wanna know that ur doing fine and my worries is just plain nonsense..

...i hope that ur happy with your family...

may happiness,love and laughter be with u

LOVE U ALWAYS~

gooD thiNgs?

休 息 是 為 了 走 更 長 的 路

xiū xi shì wéi le zǒu gèng cháng de lù

Rest is just a respite for a longer journey

你 就 是 我 的 旅 途

nǐ jiù shì wǒ de lǚ tú

You are my journey

都 是 因 為 你

dōu shì yīn wéi nǐ

It's all because of you

我 一 直 漫 步

wǒ yì zhí màn bù

I kept walking

想 要 跟 你 一 起 走 到 最 後

xiǎng yào gēn nǐ yì qǐ zǒu dào zuì hòu

Wanting to walk with you till the end

但 我 遺 失 了 地 圖

dàn wǒ yí shī le dì tú

But I lost the map

誰 給 誰 束 縛

shuí gěi shuí shù fù

Who's the one binding the other?

誰 比 誰 辛 苦

shuí bǐ shuí xīn kǔ

Who's the one in more pain?

愛 到 深 處 才 會 領 悟 ?

ài dào shēn chu cái huì lǐng wù ?

Only if you've loved deeply will you be able to comprehend

好 的 事 情 也 許 能 夠 重 複

hǎo de shì qíng yě hǔ néng gòu zhòng fù

Perhaps the good things will repeat itself

感 動 時 分

gǎn dòng shí fēn

Poignant moments

就 算 紛 紛 模 糊

jiù suàn fēn fēn mó hu

Even if fuzzy

不 要 哭

bú yào kū

Don't cry

至 少 你 和 我 記 得 很 清 楚

zhì shǎo nǐ hé wǒ jì dé hěn qīng chu

At least you and I remember clearly

愛 是 為 彼 此 祝 福

ài shì wéi bí cǐ zhù fú

Love is to bless the other

To download: click here!

i kinda missed the tyme:

• when i fell in love eva so easily...
• when i know what i wanted...
• when i had the guts to chase wat i wanted..

BUT SORRY..tyme doesnt go bek...tho u might dream about it every nite..it is still not within ur reach... -period-

me?i?myself?

sometimes u pretended to be someone u r not

sometimes u pretended to be stronger when u r not

sometimes u pretended to care less when u care a lot

and...then...sometimes u lost track n went off track...when u started to think that the person u pretended to be is the person u should be...

yOu're sEriousLY a LOSER (YsL/LSY)

D: she fucking HATES u~ u r such a BITCH~

A:well..she have her own life...

D:u r just BuGGING her lyfe...when r u going to grow up and have ur own lyfe??!

A:she's just busy..

D: ur PLAIN PATHETIC~canT u see it??

A:u just need to brush up ur social skill...mayb a bit...

D:she's gOnnA b PKDC no.2 n ur gonna b outta frens n dun worry...nOBODY CAREs~

A:hmm....welll.... (D kinda win this tyme...sorry...outta excuse for u....)

..sometimes...

the more u chase for happiness

the further it will ran and hide from u..

“Let’s just say in some alternate universe, there’s a couple just like us, okay? Only she’s healthy and he’s perfect. And their world is about how much they’re going to spend on vacation or who’s in a bad mood that day, or whether they feel guilty about having a cleaning lady. I don’t want to be those people. I want us. You. This.”

—	Love & Other Drugs

owh demmmnnn~~

i OVERSPENt aGAin!!

it?

...day by day...

...it passed by...

... every beat it goes...

...every second it moves...

...i could feel it taking over n conquering my body..

..but..

...i could not help myself but to ask...

did it took care of my mind n soul too??

running away...

..im running home again..

...sumhow im feeling real lonely this week...

...i'm impressed on how i manage to smile n laugh with those ppl that hurt me so deeply this whole week...

Lyfe aFter deaTh..

i just saw a very fascinating news in The Star...

REad it!

mayb miracle does happen!

im afraid of

loneliness

so,i chose to be alone

im afraid of

losing

so, i chose to give up

im afraid of

being ugly

so,i chose to dress up

im afraid of

height

so, i chose to stay where i am

im afraid of

being myself

so, i chose to hide myself~

omg...im so fucking poor now..haiz..

somehow,i felt very dpressed whenever this happen...

(n it happens all the tyme)

cz,..its all my fault...d2 my dearest money-wasting-habit;..

some1 plz help me~~~~

我是誰?

我是谁
你是否常常这样问自己
我是谁
总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁
是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁
只有不是自己才安全

为什么
你以为这个世界很美丽
为什么
你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什么
这个世界不给你平等待遇
为什么
到底做错了什么

*朋友都说你太 太 太奇怪
在背后把你当成笑 笑 笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在

你想要的很 很 很简单
不过就是最普通的 的 的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看

**无论他们又说什么
闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我
没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什么
小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The Most Beautiful~

会不会
上帝把你的灵魂放错了身体
会不会
是故意整你不是不小心
会不会
你常常都觉得力不从心
会不会
坚持要做自己太危险

凭什么
难道比较特别就是不对
凭什么
先下了注解在认识之前
凭什么
只不过想认真的活一遍
凭什么
随便就把人定罪

repeat *, **

(background)
我是谁
这个问题困扰你多少天多少夜
我是谁
谁有资格决定你怎样才是对
我是谁 我是谁我是谁
我就是我你就是你
认真做自己的人最美丽

Thanks to me being a nocturnal human..

there was no lunch for me today :(

so, gotta cook it myself or else makan angin lo..

So,i cook myself a plate of fried rice..haha..i cant cook..n dats basically d knowledge i had on cooking...aka.. NOTHING...hahhaa..

so, i raid d fridge n took out what i think cud b used as ingredient...

n TA-DAAAA~~

Abalone sauce fried rice with italian herbs and scallop floss!!!

n surprisingly,it tasted good! (i might b biased tho..kakaa)

Written In The Stars

[Eric Turner]
Oh written in the stars
A million miles away
A message to the main
Ooooh
Seasons come and go
But I will never change
And I’m on my way

[Tinie Tempah - Verse 1]
Lets go…
Yeah
You’re listening now
They say they aint heard nothing like this in a while
Thats why they play my song on so many different dials
Cause I got more hits than a disciplined child
When they see me everybody brrrrrap’s, brrrrrraps
Man I’m like a young gun fully black Barrack
I cried tear drops over the massive attack
I only make hits like I work with a racket and bat
Look at my jacket and hat
So damn berserk
So down to earth
I’m bringing gravity back
Adopted by the major I want my family back
People work hard just to get all their salary taxed
Look Im just a writer from the ghetto like Malory blackman
Where the hells all the sanity at, damn
I used to be the kid that no one cared about
Thats why you have to keep screaming til they hear you out

[Chorus]
Oh Written In The Stars
A Million Miles Away
A Message To The Main
Ooooh
Seasons Come And Go
But I Will Never Change
And I'm On My Way

[Tinie Tempah - Verse 2]
Yeah, I needed a change
When we ate we never took because we needed a change
I needed a break
For a sec I even gave up believing and praying
I even done the legal stuff and was leaded astray
Now money is the root to the evilist ways
But have you ever been so hungry that it keeps you awake
Mate, now my hunger would leave them amazed
Great, it feels like a long time coming, fam
Since the day I thought of that cunning plan
One day I had a dream I tried to chase it
But I wasn’t going nowhere, running man!
I knew that maybe someday I would understand
Trying to turn a tenner to a hundred grand
Everyones a kid that no-one cares about
You just have to keep screaming until they hear you out

[Chorus]
Oh Written In The Stars
A Million Miles Away
A Message To The Main
Ooooh
Seasons Come And Go
But I Will Never Change
And I'm On My Way

[Outro]

Artificial Sushi :)

As most of the ppl around me would had already know...

im a big sushi fan!

..haha...so,lately,every1 around me busy telling me how we could not eat sushi d2 the radioactive thingy..

:(

So,while i was helping my mum to prep kuihs for the Ching Ming...

..i came across a recipe with a pic dat appears lk sushi to me...

..hahahaha...

so,im tempted to make them...

AND

..i FINALLY make them today..

SEE~~

they looked pretty like sushi,aint them??

haha...like what they oways said... "bo hu,he toh ho..." (no fish,prawn aso can..)

well,these r made of glutinous rice with my fav red bean paste..haha...(ya..my other obsession...) n is eaten with osmanthus honey...

anyways...im nt dat gud with my languages..

...so, i was wondering wth is osmanthus...

it sounded pretty much like flowers from outer space to my ears...

(haha..all this while,i oni knew those common flowers..lk roses..daisies...etc..haha...)

nways, THANKS to GOOGLE n WIKIPEDIA,i found the alien flower...haha...

apparently,it's 1 of those flower commonly used in those movies to make those traditional chinese desserts..haha..Guihua..

(ok..fine..im really fascinated wt this cz it's d 1st time i've used them to make dessert n my 1st tyme see them...muahaha)

the sweetest thing....

Born This Way?

...watching this...

makes me wonder

will i be lk her when im in her age?

like what Perez said...

"While there are instances when cosmetic surgery can greatly benefit a person’s life, we’re sad to hear the reason she has done this to her body — insecurity."

so much so that we (or mayb me) wud wanna love our body or self as it is,insecurities often slapped us on our face..telling us the ugly truth...

how many ppl can really do so??

hypnotizing her/himself dat "yea..IM FREAKING AMAZING....yea...IM PRETTy..." on dly basis when mother nature is doing her job??

growing up in a family that lacks praises n r filled wt abundance of criticism

i grew up believing

...im nt pretty...

...im fat...

...im short...

...n ntg gud can happen to poor ppl lk us...

so,if so happen, that i accidentally have a child(I MEAN ACCIDENTTALY),

i would tell him/her dat...

we r pretty in our own way

cz we're born this way

irony of life

it's funny how d person u wanna meet the most is also the person ur afraid to see as well

见或不见

你见 或者不见我

我就在那里 不悲不喜

你念 或者不念我

情就在那里 不来不去

你爱或者不爱我

爱就在那里 不增不减

你跟 或者不跟我

我的手在你手里 不舍不弃

来我怀里

或 让我住进你的心里

默然相爱 寂静喜欢

你爱或者不爱我

爱就在那里 不增不减

你跟 或者不跟我

我的手在你手里 不舍不弃

lomo

..recently my sis bought me a Diana Mini F+ (Petite Noire)...

..well..it's supposed to be for my bday last yr..but u knw..haha..

... nwys, IT'S A BEAUTY...

...so,bought some expired film n load it immediately..ahhaa...

..ermm..the effect..tho its mostly blurry n stuff..i LOVE it...

well..it's wat lomo is all about,aint it??

myb we shud all start looking at those so-called imperfection as PERFECTION..

love urself aite ppl:))

.