it kinda spoilt my day..

by that i meant couple of days..

or mayb more than dat,,

damn...i felt horrible..

i suddenly felt like going somewhere terpencil and think about what i want in my life

and

maybe

i should

it's d end of posting..

n im ALL blank n blur..

seriously a very bad sign!

sometimes,my rationale is that im afraid of ppl in this particular dept dat im nt able to learn n absorb...but seriously,i shudnt blame others for my own fault...for my own laziness...for my own stupidity...

hopefully...i ll learn sometng...soon...

i thought that by filling my empty stomach, i would somehow fill my empty soul, mind n heart...

but i was wrong...now that it's filled...

it's more obvious that it is my heart n mind that is empty...

when im asleep,i woke up due to pressure building up as hours passed..

when im awake, my eyes n mind wanted to just shut down coz im reluctant to face this cruel world..

izit possible that there's 2 different "you" living in your body???

i feel so schizophrenic now~

izit okay to not feel okay??

izit okay to not be okay??

izit okay when u're supposed to be okay but u're not okay at all??

Today... one of my professors told us that if he was to be given a chance to choose again...he wouldn't be taking medicine again...cz most of us was not exposed to medicine n took this due to rumors and things we heard from outsiders... like he did...picking this field bcoz his peers did...

at that point, it reminds me of how i "HAPPEN" to get involved in this rat race...

BUT

the thing is...we cant jz make a U-turn in this matter..

=.='''

if only time can just be turned back to the point i made this decision...